Where are you?
In a non slutty way
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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