if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
