Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
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