Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
