i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
