Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Randomize
