i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize