Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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