I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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