Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize