i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
