how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
