There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
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