i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
