Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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