I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
