ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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