its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
