But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
