Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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