And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
