I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
i can't believe i had my finger in that
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
