I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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