I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I wish I only lived at night.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
