Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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