My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
