a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Randomize
