Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
