yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
