people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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