I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Enjoy the penises
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
