soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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