I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
