roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
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