Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize