It's like a parade of train wrecks.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
