OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Say something about gay babies.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Girls should come with a carfax report
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
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