So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize