I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Randomize
