No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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