You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
