i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
