it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
