I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
