My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
