is your mom at the bar?
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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