Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Did I show you my penis last night?
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
