is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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