Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
