im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
