He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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