I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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