Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
