he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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