i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Randomize
