either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
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