Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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