I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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