Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize