the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize
