I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
