i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
