Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
