help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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