I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
