what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize
