I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
