he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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