Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
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