You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
