explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Randomize
