This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Randomize
