Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
