im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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