I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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