Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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