I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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