I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
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