Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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