24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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