Well apparently he's into motor boating.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
