I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
