I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
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