i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
