is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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