I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
