dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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