question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I party with great urgency now.
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