Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
