lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
