So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
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