I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
