so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
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