You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
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