You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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