Define "chronic" masturbator.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
