I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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