if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
