sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Randomize
