I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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