help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
