I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Come see our sink grown plant.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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