you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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