I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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