What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
