Dual....:-)
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
