A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
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