come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Randomize
