So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
