people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize