Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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